For well over a decade, Wolfgang Van Halen has lived a strange reality in which he is able to log onto social media each day and read the wildest comments about himself.
While much of the feedback these days is positive — especially since Wolfie unleashed his Grammy-nominated Mammoth WVH debut solo album — there are still some holdouts (who haven't yet been muted or blocked) who can't help but share their derangement with the young Van Halen.
This past weekend during some downtime on the 'Young Guns' tour with Dirty Honey, Wolf decided to go troll hunting in the comments section of his Facebook post about his guitar strap breaking mid-song on one of the first shows of the tour.
Wolfie shared a photo of himself balancing his guitar awkwardly on his leg with the unhooked strap flailing behind him. He added an innocuous comment about how he never stopped playing, and as we've learned to expect, the remark provoked no shortage of rebukes from Facebook's many jealous weirdos.
We've recapped the interaction below, but you can also enjoy it via the screenshots in the gallery at the very bottom of this page (which may be displayed out of order).
First, Wolf took to the comments to issue a blanket response to the many users who found it necessary to scold him for some aspect of the strap malfunction. The multi-instrumentalist later admitted via Instagram Story that with his initial response, he was "just being the smartass I enjoy being every now and then."
Predictably, someone replied that Wolf seemed "a little agro."
Wolfgang has seen this type of comment many times over the years. Some Van Halen fans seem convinced that because Wolfgang is only 30, he doesn't understand his family's musical legacy and is therefore bound to destroy it with crimes like ... sarcasm ... or his guitar strap breaking during a show.
When another user chimed in that Wolf should "just shut up and play your guitar," Wolf decided to engage.
"But I have to sing at the same time," he replied.
"Cool. Singing & complaining are two different things," the user added.
"That depends on who you ask," Wolf added.
Wolf has been down this road before; the more he makes such a person write, the stranger things are likely to get. But even he was not prepared for how strange, or for the new direction the commenter was about to take the interaction.
"Yes," the user replied. "Liberals will agree with that nonsense."
Later, via his Instagram Story recap, Wolfie asked his followers, "Who's the aggro one here? The dude making jokes, or the dude that's seething with so much FACEBOOK-WHITE-MAN-RAGE that he can't help but shoehorn 'the libs' into a comment under a pic of some s---head with a strapless guitar?"
After thinking for a moment, Wolf asked the user genuinely why he would bring up politics in the comments of a photo of him playing a guitar with no strap?
"I never heard your Dad complain," the user said, before bizarrely reminding Wolf that his father is "The great Eddie van Halen [sic]. Grow up."
Via his IG Story, Wolf used this comment to share an aside about a time his father did, indeed, complain.
"You obviously never heard my dad get pissed off at his iPhone so much that he would call me constantly when he couldn't figure s---t out. Typical dad s--t (I really miss this)," Wolf wrote.
"True story. My dad got so pissed at his OG iPhone that he threw it in the pool where it sat for a week. Just chillin' at the bottom of the pool. We pulled it out, let it dry and it actually turned back on. Pretty hilarious."
He then turned his ire back to the "colossally shortsighted, angry, dumb baby boy" he was engaged with on Facebook. The best recourse? Give the Facebooker a taste of his own medicine: a choice cut of crazy talk.
Wolf replied: "Eddie Van Halen is a liberal hoax propagated by the freemasons and Bob Hope to get Texans to believe the moon doesn't exist."
He later confessed to being "pretty proud" of the non sequitur.
It seemed to work when the user replied with two consecutive smiley face emojis. Wolfie recapped the interaction via Instagram Story and went back to waiting for his video game to download. At least everybody went home happy.
The 'Young Guns' tour has dates in the U.S. through April. Get all the tour dates here.