“Transformers” meets Sea-Godzillas

If you’re a 9-12 year old boy, or can channel your inner boy-child, you will think this is the most awesome movie of the summer. For the rest of us, it’s definitely the loudest movie of the summer , with ceaseless, tedious fight scenes , which are kind of old school. The transformers punch it out, scene after scene, with giant sea monsters (one even has lobster claws). So where do the humans come in ? The transformers require two humans to run them. That is, after the two humans do these mind-meld thing so it’s one brain controlling the battle.

Guillermo Del Toro (best known for “Hellboy”, “Blade 2” and the incredible “Pan’s Labyrinth” scores with fantastic visuals, though, as usual, the 3-D isn’t a plus. Props , too, for a creative apocalyptic threat that comes from the sea instead of space.

While the movie has a fresh feel, the sea monsters are an homage to Japanese sci-fiers. Even our heroine, Rinko Kukuchi, hails from Japan. The monsters have a Japanese name, Kaiju, which translates to “strange beasts”. The robots are called Jaegers, which is German for “hunters”.

You’ll notice bits and pieces from other sci-fiers gone by: “Alien” (there’s a baby Kaiju) ; “Ironman”, with the winnigest Kaiju sporting what looks to be the same chest device that keeps Ironman alive .

Charlie Hunnam of “Sons Of Anarachy”-fame is our hero, who loses his brother to a Kaiju in an early scene. He decides to give up the fight and instead joins up with an army building a wall to keep out the sea monsters. We learned from “World War Z” that’s a bad plan. With the possible end-of-the world battle about to begin, the top Jaeger commander, Idris Elba (of the wire) recruits our hero back into the fold for the final battle.

Also appearing: Ron Perlman (who reunites with Del Toro, who directed him in “Hellboy” and also with his “Sons Of Anarachy” co-star, Hunnam). Perlman’s character is colorful (check out his crazy teeth!!) but it’s Charlie Day of “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” who steals the movie as a brainiac scientist, along with his frenemy/sidekick Burn Gorman (“The Dark Knight Rises”).

Not being a 12 year old boy, I’m not a fan of this film. I was so bored, despite the god-knows-what-decibel-we hit, I was actually nodding off. It was so loud, I had trouble hearing some of the dialogue. So, do bring your earplugs and hit the restroom before- this drags on 2-plus hours, at least 45 minutes too long. Oh, and don’t take the little ones. It’s too loud and too scary for them.